On being an adult - Part Two, Self Confidence

I became a parent later than what seems normal. Being normal was never a priority; putting off parenthood however, was more a decision made from a cynical standpoint rather than a contrarian one. I had pretty much made up my mind that I wasn't the guy to be put in charge of raising children. Of course no one is prepared for parenthood but this is one of the things you learn.  Having the job of turning two little shit machines into responsible, upstanding men is probably a job better done at this point in my life than when I was twenty. This is a bit paradoxical. Did the boys cause me to settle down and become responsible or am I older and more contemplative causing me to take a better look at my responsibilities? I could wax philosophical about this but the truth is I was scared to do something different and scared of failure.

Self Confidence

I have no biological siblings. I've got some great friends that I consider my brothers and sisters but at home there was just me. I'm not sure the impact that had on my confidence but  I didn't have to fight for the extra roll at dinner. I got the toys for Christmas. My stuff was my stuff. It wasn't until I was 33 that I had some other person taking and breaking my stuff. This is certainly a selfish point of view that my poor wife had to take the brunt of until I wised up. So how does my selfishness relate to my lack of self confidence? When someone bullied me, I had no point of reference. " I'm taking your lunch money, what are you going to do about it?" My answer would be to avoid the bully, and go hungry or charm someone else into buying me lunch. This is a hypothetical situation, no one ever took my lunch money but it gets the point across. Having the self confidence to tell the guy to "shut the hell up, I'm keeping my money" would have been confrontational in the short term but probably served me well in the long term. Instead I rarely made new friends, and was generally slow to trust people. Like everyone, my experiences have influenced who I am. A few years back my New Year's Resolution was to have more resolve. I try to be aware of what's going on in my life and make my decisions deliberate. A couple of years ago I was offered a position in my company. To the company it was a no brainer. They didn't offer this to just anyone and I'd be a fool not to take it. They explained that there were a few caveats to this.  Suffice to say the management was aware of some people with less than positive attitudes that I would have to work with. They knew that I could get along with people and not have arguments. This comes from avoiding confrontation but also allows me to get trod upon. Being afraid of failure and confrontation, I was pretty worried about taking this position. Being the provider for my family I would be a fool not to take it. I spent the last year and a half keeping my head down and just listening to what everyone had to say. In the meantime, I was doing the job well and (I hope) earning a little respect from my co-workers. I was also working on improving myself through reading and trying to stay focused on making good decisions rather than just going through the motions. Knowing that I'm doing something and making the effort to set an example is building that self confidence. 

It ain't easy    

 Nothing worth doing is easy. Or if it is easy it comes with big responsibility which brings us back to not easy. Maybe the hard part is knowing you might fail. At least if you fail you can learn from that experience and try again later. It's the successes that build the confidence. I don't always win. Anyone who has seen me play a sport that involves a ball will tell you that. But I know now that had I been more confident (and more resolute) in the past I would probably been farther along now. My kids would be in high school and I'd have more money in the bank etc... Or maybe I would have been hit by a bus. 

So I guess I'm an adult

That's what I've been thinking lately as far as being an adult is concerned. I wish I'd had more confidence growing up and even now I'm no Teddy Roosevelt. I do have the opportunity and presence of mind to help instill some in my boys. I'd love to wrap this up with some sage advice about how you can be more confident but this is an essay, not a treatise. So until the next installment of On Being an Adult...      Confidence, have some.

     

Style and Respect - a rebuttal

One of the regrettable things about writing, or beginning writing, is not making your point clear. There are times when I write a post two or three times and I'm not sure if it will convey my thoughts accurately. Since this is not a novel I won't be getting carried away with draft after draft to hone a post into a masterpiece. I'll make a few edits sure, but I'm either o.k. with it or I delete it. The last post was certainly one of the tougher ones. I wrote that last post and later I realized there might be some things left out or maybe I would not get my point nailed down but I really just wanted to say "I'm not fifteen anymore and I should not dress as though I am". After a few false starts I just went with it and I think it came out alright. With one possible exception. I seemed to have sparked something in TVI. TVI is my Dad's cousin and a regular reader and I have quite a bit of respect for him even if I don't know what TVI means or why he uses all capital letters when he types. (Just kidding, dude). TVI left a comment to the tune of him not being too concerned about what people think of the way he dresses. My reply was that I agreed, and that I too don't really care about what others think but dressing well is a sign of respect. He turned that into a nicely written post on his blog. I like what he had to say. Respect should be earned in most cases but there is a matter of context and I think that's where I went wrong. First, I failed to mention that my dressing better is for me. Not the folks around me. The point is not to look better than you, it's to look better than I did. I would hope that all the folks on People of Wal-Mart would chose to do the same but I can't spend my time worrying about them. I also have no intention of belittling anyone. Second, on the issue of respect there are appropriate things to wear to certain events. You don't wear a Metallica t-shirt and dirty jeans to Grandma's funeral. It's disrespectful to dear old Granny and the gravity of the event. I go to a lot of weddings. The bride and groom went to a lot of work to plan the day and make it special. They are wearing the best clothes they can afford for that day. Have a little respect for them, the Church, and the families and put on a tie. I don't expect you to respect me for wearing a tie. It's the other way around. That's about as close as I am going to get to ranting here folks because as I said, I am pushing the boundaries of  being hypocritical. I didn't want to have two blog posts about the way I dress. I just wanted to make a point about me growing up and attempting to act like an adult. I feel not wearing flip-flops to the White House is part of that. The next post is going to be about carrots. No controversy, just vegetables.

On being an adult , Part one - It's style, not fashion mind you, but style.

 There's about ten things wrong with this photo and I should have changed my shoes.

It's really only come to my attention that I am an adult sometime in the last nine or ten months. I know when my twenty first birthday was, I think I was at a Rush concert. That was sixteen years ago, give or take. I could go on and on about all the adult sort of things that have gone on in my life. The point is...

In response to the commentors

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