Saturday, September 10, 2005

Man, I gotta get me one of these

I've been sitting on a couple of posts for awhile. It's time for this one to see the light. Enjoy-

Across the street from my home is another home inhabited by a family of four. The house is pink. The "man" of the house enjoys sitting on the porch 'neath his rebel flag and drinking beer while listening to music at unreasonable levels. He has since quieted down a bit after receiving a $500.00 ticket from the county thanks to the next door neighbor who called the cops twice rather than walking across the street and kicking the shit out of him. While the latter would have been right entertaining, I believe it was a good call.(Update!-He actually called the guy out. Stood in the street and asked him to come get the ass kickin he's got comin. The Silver Bullet was allegedly calling the neighborhood girls bitches. He stayed in the house and avoided a richeous stompin.) I love music, I get the loud thing too. I have tinnitus, I've been in rock bands. I get it. When I can hear his music at the opposite end of my property as though I'm wearing an iPod, methinks it's a bit much. When the family moved in the Silver Bullet, oh I call him the Silver Bullet due to his silver grey skullet....Anyway the Silver Bullet was unemployed. This pattern of beer drinking and enjoyment of fine music under his rebel flag on the porch of the pink house was at least a weekly occurence. Oh, lets say every three days to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Today (this is an old post) I read about this little item right here. How wonderful would it be to set one of these up in the driveway. I initally thought about blasting the most offensive, gut wrenching music I could find at the pink house. Just imagine, the Silver Bullet running out of the house vomiting, blood running out of his ears, fabulous. I also thought about mabye The Carpenters, or the new Kanye West record (don't forget he has that rebel flag). I think the best idea was given to me by a co-worker who said I should use it to wisper things to him. Tell him God wants him to dye his hair pink to match the siding, or tell him we know he touches himself and he should start lacing his weed with saltpeter. At any rate, with this handy little item I think I could drive my thoughtful, fun loving, neighbor absolutely freakin bonkers. What a dick.


Grumpyunk said...

"Shullet" - I got a very good visual from that, Surly. Very good.

Dealing with a shit stain like this can be pretty frustrating at times. The 5 long ones ticket is probably the most effective method of curbing his bad manners. That's a lot of "Old Milwaukee" money there. I'm willing to bet he'll be out there again in a few weeks tho'. Guys like this are not usually good candidates for lab rats, as they almost always skew the Bell Curve with their delayed understanding of the whole behavioral response modification thing.

Keep a sharp eye out for awhile too. Shitstains like this almost always attempt some dumbass, macho thing payback scheme. That's a conditioned response they do learn at an early age.

Surly said...

Yeah, last night the fuzz was at his house again. Perhaps I'm paraniod but I think it was a tactic to make him look like the victim. The police were only talking to him so I think he called them. Things will change the first time his basement floods to about chest level. I'll bet the landlord didn't bother to tell him that happens about twice a year.