Well kiddies, here we are again for another exciting installment of Past Bikes. This time around we'll be taking a look at some of the crappy dirt bikes I've owned and one not so crappy one. I've had a few nice ones also but I noticed a strong showing of the crappy ones in my photo album so I thought I'd show em off a little. Come along and I'll show you around my museum. Shall we? First up is the Can-Am. This gem was a 175cc with a rotary valve Bombardier two-stroke motor. I bought this for $30.00, spent a hundred or so on it and after a year of so I gave it back to the guy I bought it from. Crazy ass death trap. I was either wheelying with legs akimbo holding on for dear life or pushing. There was no in between. The kickstarter was gone and when I found one and put it on it fell off anyhow due to bad splines. It was push start only. It had an intermittent Motoplat ignition, that is a description not a model designation. One fine day I was pushing the bike holding the sparkplug in one hand and had the other arm draped over the cool v-bars trying to shade the plug from the sun, push the bike and check for spark. The ditch (elbow pit) of my right arm came in contact with a bare spot on the bars and well....went to ground. The Can-Am tazed my dumb ass. That was very painful. Moving right along we have the 1970ish 440 Maico. Neat bike with the badass aluminum coffin tank. This one was pretty rough, if you can see the pipe only goes from the exhaust port to the bottom of the engine. The rest had rusted off. I dismantled the bike and sold it off. They say these things were unbelievably fast. They were very cool sounding too. I got this and another bike as a package. This is one of many "You gotta take em both" deals. The owner actually thought this was a Metco. Nope, I've never heard of a Metco either. The other gem I did not want but had to take but I actually got to ride one or twice. The 1975 Yamaha DT250. This thing was ug-leeee. As you can see it had sort of a fizz-can camo job. I took it home (with my new Metco) and stripped the forks off, cleaned up a lot of the camo and wet sanded the tank and I found some nice original paint underneath. It had lots of dents so I slapped a Slayer sticker on there and blasted a coat of clear over the top. Now here's the coolest part, the gas tank had about a half a coffee can of sand in it. No kidding, about three big handfuls of sand came out. Beats me. I cleaned the tank, cleaned the carb, put in a new plug and it started on the second kick. Gotta love those Japanese. The crank was bent so it shook like a bitch and the stator kept falling off so it wouldn't run for more than about 15 min. The really weird part is I can't remember what happened to this bike. Of all the bikes I've had I can remember how they were sold. Cept the Slayer bike. It was also affectionately referred to as "The Turd". The next one on the list was one of my favorite bikes and I sort of wish I still had it. A nineteen seventy something Puch. It's pronounced poook, like puke without the yuh. I never did figure out what actual model it was. I think it was a 175cc also. A friend had it in his back yard and one spring day I went over to see if he would sell it. He had removed the rear wheel to fix a flat the previous summer and left the bike sitting next to the garage (outside) in the dirt. When I got there the bike was frozen to the ground. After we found the wheel and settled on a price we gave it a good tug and I brought it home. It was missing the clutch adjuster so after a little tig work and machining a new part it was ready to get running. I cleaned the Bing and put in a new plug and bang it started. Slowest dirt bike ever. Pretty cool though in a European dirt-bike kinda way. The side panels were this big vinyl wrap deal with the number plate sewn on. Seems like a nice way to save weight until you see the airbox under it that's made out of 1/8" plate. I fixed it up and rode it around a little but wound up selling it to some dealer who probably resold it for way more than I sold it to him for. I've had a few other oddball dirt bikes but I'll save them for another day. Writing this makes me want to go hunting for another one of these gems but as you can see, I've exhausted all the reserves of crappy dirt bikes in my area. I do know where I can get a Penton Jackpiner cheap..... I had most of these while I was high-school and had nary a penny to put on them in parts but I was much more interested in bringing them back to life than making them pretty. Except the Turd, that Slayer sticker made that bike. Besides, they were all really pieces of shit anyway. There you have it folks a trip from Indiana to Canada, Germany, Austria, Japan and back again all in glorious Crap-O-Vision! Don't forget to check back for another exciting installment of Past Bikes.